When Fear Wins

Today is a day to plumb the depths of my heart, to find the place where love lives and hope resides. To protect it, to care for it, to nurture it.

Today is a day to reach deep into my soul, to find peace.

Today is a day to extend my hand to friends, to those I care for, to those who are afraid and hurting.

But right now, my fear is invading, pressing down on me. It is easier to be afraid of something, something concrete and specific. I can face that. Fight that. Raise my fist against it. But this. This is harder.

I am afraid of my own fear, how it is possessing me, restricting me. Hope can’t find its way forward. Isolated.

Usually this is the moment I come forth with the happy ending, how the story turned, how it all became right again. My natural optimism providing strength to see the good. But not today.

Today I am letting myself be. Be angry. Be sad. Be afraid. Be bitter. Be mournful.

Tomorrow I will open my eyes. I will start again. I will move forward because I must, because people depend on me to do so. Because I need to find my way forward. Because I can’t live in this gloom.

But today. Today I let fear win.

fear-quotes-courage-nelson-mandela

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