When Fear Wins

Today is a day to plumb the depths of my heart, to find the place where love lives and hope resides. To protect it, to care for it, to nurture it.

Today is a day to reach deep into my soul, to find peace.

Today is a day to extend my hand to friends, to those I care for, to those who are afraid and hurting.

But right now, my fear is invading, pressing down on me. It is easier to be afraid of something, something concrete and specific. I can face that. Fight that. Raise my fist against it. But this. This is harder.

I am afraid of my own fear, how it is possessing me, restricting me. Hope can’t find its way forward. Isolated.

Usually this is the moment I come forth with the happy ending, how the story turned, how it all became right again. My natural optimism providing strength to see the good. But not today.

Today I am letting myself be. Be angry. Be sad. Be afraid. Be bitter. Be mournful.

Tomorrow I will open my eyes. I will start again. I will move forward because I must, because people depend on me to do so. Because I need to find my way forward. Because I can’t live in this gloom.

But today. Today I let fear win.


Published by Katrina Ávila Munichiello

KAM is a freelance writer, editor, and lifelong lover of books. She was the kind of kid who woke up before sunrise to read before school and her passion for books has never waned. After nearly a decade of work in public health and the non-profit sector, she became a stay-at home mom. The twelve years since have allowed her discover a new life’s ambition — writing. She published her first book “A Tea Reader: Living Life One Cup at a Time,” a collection of essays written by tea lovers around the world, in 2011, and has had articles and essays featured in outlets including Yankee Magazine and Boston Globe Sunday Magazine. She served as Senior Editor of Tea Magazine. She currently writes picture books and middle grade books and is loving every minute of making them better. She is a member of NESCBWI, Vice President of Friends of the J.V. Fletcher Library and advisor of an elementary school Newspaper Club.

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